Bitterness or Brokenness: What Lies Within
A recent blog addressed the topic of difficult relationships. The main point focused on the phrase “as much as it lies within you” from Romans 12:18, where it says, If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men (KJV).
The author states there are times when it is not possible to live in peace and we need to walk away from a relationship. I agree. However, before we shake the dust off our feet, I want to challenge us to go deeper, to take another look.
The phrase as much as it lies within you, or as much as it depends on you, is often used as an out. It is taken as permission to say, “I’ve done all I can” and walk away from the relationship. But in doing so, we may stop short of God’s purposes. The greater issue is not our relationship to the offender, but our relationship to God.
We are to obey the biblical command to go alone and tell the offender what they did against us, for the purpose of restoration. If it does not end well, we tend to rehearse the matter to others, perhaps seeking the affirmation that we are justified in feeling the way we feel and in writing off that relationship.
But what do we do with the bitterness? Some wounds go deep into the soul, and so too does bitterness. To root it out would be painful so we harbor it. We cling to it like a child clings to a blankie. While we may find it comforting, God says it stinks. It needs a good washing.
As much as it lies within you. What tools and abilities do we have within us to pursue peace in difficult relationships? If we are a true believer in Jesus Christ, we have the Prince of Peace within and a far greater amount of grace to humble ourselves, to surrender our pride, to forgive and love, than we ever tap into.
Can we, with a pure heart and a good conscience (1 Timothy 1:5), nurture our own sin and condemn the sins of others while we stand in the shadow of the cross? Can we gaze at the wounds of our Savior and continue to lick our own?
What lies within us may not be the answer but the problem.
People will tell us to lay the offense down. Let it go. I disagree. We would only pick it up again. Satan will replay that transgression in our heads a thousand times.
What we must lay down is our self. Our pride, our reputation, our need to be respected, our need to be right must be crucified. When we die to ourselves the offenses, the resentments, the bitterness die with us.
Let’s take a second look and see within us what God sees. Then, if we find we are right to walk away from the relationship, then let’s walk away whole. Free to be the person God intends us to be.
Most assuredly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it produces much grain. -John 12:24, NKJV